Friday, January 02, 2009
Sorry Noah
I was staring at the ceiling for nearly an hour last night thinking about what could be the reason.
The reason for why Noah is still not turning onto his front. He sleeps on his back. I put him down like so and he would wake up exactly like that. Not a single thing's changed. It's almost like time comes to a complete halt when Noah enters his cot. It's good for a while but now I am getting worried. Is he going to turn ever?
I have been a voyeur to some mumsy blogs out there, just comparing notes, seeing how people do it, picking up tips as i go along. All them babies turned onto their fronts by 6 months, some even as early as 4 months. What is wrong with Noah?
I am thinking, Noah is a big boy. He is probably too heavy for himself. Probably too scared to turn. Scared that he might hempap himself. I am thinking Noah and whale in a same sentence. Nooooo not Noah and the whale.
I am also thinking, my fault. I never ever put him on his front. Not even for a short nap. I was so paranoid about sudden infant death syndrome that I think I've gone overboard. Too late to start?
I am then thinking about this one as well. It is very morbid.
When Noah was 5 months, we decided that we should nip it in the bud when he is still young and utilise the baby amnesia to it's full potential. I took Noah that day. He was his jolly self baby talking to almost all strangers in the clinic's waiting room. I was psyched. A baby came out having had the circumcision, wailing at the top of his lungs. Noah suddenly cried while looking around looking for the distressed baby. I dah mula tak sedap hati tau watching you menangis. I was amazed at your ability to sympathize. It really moved me but at the same time, I started to doubt my decision. I , would give a GA and the penile block for anyone who is having a circumcision and there i was about to hand over my own baby to meet a scalpel with just a penile block???? Oh My God I was so teruk ok.
When it was Noah's turn, I went in briefly and Noah parted with me with ease, smiling still biting down on his rattle I bought only the day before. I was about to betray him and he had no idea. Absolutely no idea. Something inside me was turning violently and i felt like I had to brace myself so nobody could tell that a tsunami was about to rip my internals apart. Somebody inside me was also hoping that he would suddenly refuse to stay so we didn't have to do it. But I left and I locked myself in a WC.
I prayed so hard that it's the right time to do it that it's going to be ok. I know it's the right thing to do. A nurse summoned me back in. They found it difficult to settle Noah so my presence in their opinion might calm him. Well did you put the penile block in??? Noah was screaming. Did they leave the block in long enough to give it chance to work?? Noah didn't look like he had anything given. I wasn't about to be anal so all I did was shower him with kisses. I trusted them.
The 20 minutes felt like forever. Noah was strapped down on a mini cruxifix and all the time he tried to turn towards me. He was going to turn onto his front then, but what did I do, I didn't let him, instead I let some GPs feast on his little phiphi. I would never forget that day and i would never let another child of mine go through a suboptimum penile block.
It's only my gut feeling but I think subconsciously Noah doesn't want to turn because he is traumatised by the whole thing. How do I make it right?
The reason for why Noah is still not turning onto his front. He sleeps on his back. I put him down like so and he would wake up exactly like that. Not a single thing's changed. It's almost like time comes to a complete halt when Noah enters his cot. It's good for a while but now I am getting worried. Is he going to turn ever?
I have been a voyeur to some mumsy blogs out there, just comparing notes, seeing how people do it, picking up tips as i go along. All them babies turned onto their fronts by 6 months, some even as early as 4 months. What is wrong with Noah?
I am thinking, Noah is a big boy. He is probably too heavy for himself. Probably too scared to turn. Scared that he might hempap himself. I am thinking Noah and whale in a same sentence. Nooooo not Noah and the whale.
I am also thinking, my fault. I never ever put him on his front. Not even for a short nap. I was so paranoid about sudden infant death syndrome that I think I've gone overboard. Too late to start?
I am then thinking about this one as well. It is very morbid.
When Noah was 5 months, we decided that we should nip it in the bud when he is still young and utilise the baby amnesia to it's full potential. I took Noah that day. He was his jolly self baby talking to almost all strangers in the clinic's waiting room. I was psyched. A baby came out having had the circumcision, wailing at the top of his lungs. Noah suddenly cried while looking around looking for the distressed baby. I dah mula tak sedap hati tau watching you menangis. I was amazed at your ability to sympathize. It really moved me but at the same time, I started to doubt my decision. I , would give a GA and the penile block for anyone who is having a circumcision and there i was about to hand over my own baby to meet a scalpel with just a penile block???? Oh My God I was so teruk ok.
When it was Noah's turn, I went in briefly and Noah parted with me with ease, smiling still biting down on his rattle I bought only the day before. I was about to betray him and he had no idea. Absolutely no idea. Something inside me was turning violently and i felt like I had to brace myself so nobody could tell that a tsunami was about to rip my internals apart. Somebody inside me was also hoping that he would suddenly refuse to stay so we didn't have to do it. But I left and I locked myself in a WC.
I prayed so hard that it's the right time to do it that it's going to be ok. I know it's the right thing to do. A nurse summoned me back in. They found it difficult to settle Noah so my presence in their opinion might calm him. Well did you put the penile block in??? Noah was screaming. Did they leave the block in long enough to give it chance to work?? Noah didn't look like he had anything given. I wasn't about to be anal so all I did was shower him with kisses. I trusted them.
The 20 minutes felt like forever. Noah was strapped down on a mini cruxifix and all the time he tried to turn towards me. He was going to turn onto his front then, but what did I do, I didn't let him, instead I let some GPs feast on his little phiphi. I would never forget that day and i would never let another child of mine go through a suboptimum penile block.
It's only my gut feeling but I think subconsciously Noah doesn't want to turn because he is traumatised by the whole thing. How do I make it right?
