Monday, November 13, 2006

Self Pity Pit

At various points during what remains of today, as the garment I donned divorced me, I tripped into the self pity pit. One time and out. Again and I climbed back out. Again with addictive agony, again, I clambered out. And brace. And breath and hyperventilate, my glomus at the twiggy bifurcation ran amok.

Self pity pit. A beckoning dungeonal place my conscience struggle to grave. But I fail, again and again. My body weakened my heart darkened.

There is nothing clever about the birth of this pit. Part curiosity and part distrust, sprinkled with tenebrous delusions of epoch. True it is foetal, true it is a bud, larvae, call it whatever but when all around you has been wrong for so long, how could you not waterfall and brim up to the lushness a soul bring to the core. I let go of course I fall, who cares about it. You’ll catch me, I let you.

How wrong how cruel. How bitter and lonesome. The envelope ripped and torn. Exposed and wanting. Waiting and trusting. I rabbit with all these lights on me.
You stabbed hard, I couldn’t breath. The pain kneaded deep into my rib cage unyielding. It ballooned out till laboured and choking. My eyes glazed. Hot or cold I couldn’t decide. Time stood still but I ran wild in my cage. I am still here. Breathing, contemplating in my self pity pit.
Pain, palpable musky in my cold sweat.

I am not the one your heart wants. Certainly not the one your heart wants.

Scabrous for a long long time. God help me. *Sigh*

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