BluE Scrubs

Ever since Noah was born, I believe my empathy centre has grown rather denser. I cry easily at the slightest misfortune, accidents, deaths, trauma, killing anything really that involves children. Which brings the topic back again to Palestine. I'd rather not start here actually, because I only just managed to pull myself together after seeing some heart wrenching pictures on the net which successfully broke me to pieces. Astaghfirullahalazim STOP the killing already!! ....a long chat with an old friend in Plymouth, a cup of tea and a cuddle with Noah, seemed to have helped a bit, but still, sore.

Noah's gone back to bed after his 11pm feed. He should really cut down on this late feed but he is still not quite established on the solids yet. Hurm, having said that, it is my favourite feed of the day. Will be sad once we say goodbye to it.

On my heightened empathy, picture this. You and your baby walking around in Mamas and Papas looking for certain something, perusing the tasty display of certain something something and with you is a woman in her 20s whom this time last year lost her 3 month old baby from a very rare metabolic disease, which Ak diagnosed but that's not the point.

At one point I got diverted to the boy's clothes and she got engrossed with the pretty dresses on the girl's side. I was thinking, what are the chances that she is NOT thinking about how pretty her daughter would look in that dress. What are the chances that she is NOT missing the smell of her baby girl. What are the chances she is NOT wishing that her baby girl was there trying on the clothes. Then I thought what was I thinking !!!, so I walked out quickly.

Before that I already bought some clothes for Noah from Pumpkin Patch and she was very quiet. I am not sure why I thought it was a good idea that I did some shopping as well that Tuesday. It started off with just a catch up lunch with her since she's been asking about Noah all the time. Needless to say I feel deeply deeply sorry for her. I wanted to tell her that don't worry darling, your baby girl will be waiting for you in heaven. But there is a belief issue at stake. I don't want her to think that I try to preach. Just what does one do?

Whole day that day I kept thinking about her. About her loss. About a belief system for her that might work to help her cope. Having to pick her up from the psychiatric outpatient department before the lunch, says something about coping don't you think.

She gave Noah a little Christmas present before we parted and I just wished I could reciprocate.