Friday, August 19, 2005

My near death experience- Mr. Spider




I’ve done all my best and I think there’s no way out now. I don’t feel that life is worth living unless I come clean. I just want to confess to her, and meet her face to face.

I’ll just sit in this little room and wait for her to come in. I’ve watched her many times. I think she knows that I have been watching, because she’s a smart girl and I think she likes it too.

When she comes in as usual she’ll close the door and take her pants down and wriggle her peachiness out. When she sits down, her eyelevel will descend to where I‘d be, waiting, ready as ever to confront her for the first time. This is a big moment for me and for her. I’m ready to reveal myself. Oh my heart felt like it’s going to break free from my chest.

Here she comes. Yes take those pants down, yes, and those knickers, yes. Oh oh it’s pink today. Nice. Lovely.

And look here look here hellooooooo!

Loud shriek.

No No baby it’s me, shit! Run run run , Stop screaming bitch. Stop it! I don;t know which way to go. Arghhhhh Arghhhhhh

Oh my God I am slipping I am losing grip, stop screaming!!!!!!!!!!!

Plunk!

I’m drowning I’m drowning blub..blub…blub…gluk gluk gluk

Stupid spider. *Klick*

Little does she know that the voyeuristic spider was madly in love with her and has learnt and timed the exact movement every time she goes for a crap or a piss.
THE END.

Little people know that the reverse could have been the actual sequence of events. She could have walked in the toilet and found the spider seemingly dead floating motionless in the toilet bowl.

She picked up the toilet brush without thinking and in no second flipped the spider up and off the seemingly clean toilet water. Spider laid there motionless and the girl assessed the airway, and the breathing or lack of it. Gave mouth to mouth and started cardiac massage, compressing the spider’s chest frantically. 1 and 2 and 3 and 4. Phuuuuh…phuuuuuhhh. And again.

The spider suddenly came back to life and ungratefully scuttled off and up the wall. Oii where’s my thank you kiss!!!

Stupid spider. *Klick*

My point is, it's amazing how you could write and tell tales about anything, without any consideration to the facts. With a bit of fabrication, a little lace of fibs, and lots of exaggeration, you could manipulate what people perceive of a certain event. It’s not that difficult to do. Scary.

I am not a writer so observations like this is like a discovery of a new alkane with low pungency and low gas :blood coefficient. Ok that analogy didn't go down well, try again, it's like discovering that you could actually make girl do anything so long you know what to say when and in what tone. Hmmm.

Either way the spiders I think is the most photographed arthropod. Despite being leggy and hairy and looking pretty and dead in the most obscure places.



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