Sunday, July 03, 2005
5 Questions (Rewritten).
Isn’t life grand when you have people asking things like : so how is Naj this morning, does she appear bright and refreshed to face yet another on call? Will we see her in full action saving lives? Or will she wilt away by 6 pm?
I guess only heavenly creatures like Roddick and Federer will get people talking about what morning they have, whether they had a good night sleep, what they had for breakfast –orange juice with bits or without, what socks they’d wear; like that.
Was a good game though despite missing half of it to go for a trauma call. Another guy decided to go on his bike and race at Caldwell. Was brought in by a chopper. Broke his tibia and fibula so that was a bit nasty and wouldn’t get sorted with just a pull. The plating took 3 hrs. And I thought I shaved this morning.
Is life about watching reruns these days? Live8 rerun, men’s tennis final rerun. Nothing is ever going to be live for me it seems. Maybe a strip of my life could go on a rerun. Maybe I could edit some of the things that’s happened. Not much, just a few, so I won’t hurt so many fragile hearts, so many unselfish gestures, so many kind words..
Life I suppose is a drawing without an eraser. I am shattered, too tired and emotionally drained. I don’t know how long this emotional stringing is going to last. It is character deforming, and it’s frustrating . How could I have reduced myself to not only listen to such words but to justify what seemed like an unfair accusations. I thought we were going to swim together, sink together.
I am most upset that it’s over, but I am happy that it happened. Perhaps to some, we have to meet so many characters in the world to finally realize those ones that are really diamonds to us are the ones that have been there all along. I know there is no storyline to follow, no names, not even a plot to anchor a jigsaw. It doesn’t even feel real anymore. More like a tale in my head which will remain a big dough that will never become karipaps or doughnuts. I just pray that in time..oh well who am I to say this and that.
This I found in my inbox today and don’t you Your Bluntness just almost slapped me into reality.
5 golden rules for finding your life partner by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for reviewing the prospects of long-term marital success.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.
Yet,with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent (in USA), it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms.Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.
Let me say it again:You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding & keeping a life partner.
QUESTION #1:Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat & jog together? You need to share something deeper & more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - & marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts with this person?This question goes to the core of thequality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust- i.e. trust that I won\'t get "punished" or hurt for expressing myhonest thoughts & feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts & feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feelemotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?A mensch is someone who is a refined & sensitive person.How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regularbasis?Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good & do the right thing."So ask about your significant other:What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually amaterialistic person is not someone whose top priority is characterrefinement.There are essentially two types of people in theworld: People who are dedicated to personal growth & people who arededicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION #4:How does he/she treat other people?The one mostimportant thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is\r\nthis someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped upin themselves & self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat parents & siblings? Do they have gratitude & appreciation?If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who can't do nearly as much for them!Do they gossip & speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5:Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage .. for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult & treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head & less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
I guess only heavenly creatures like Roddick and Federer will get people talking about what morning they have, whether they had a good night sleep, what they had for breakfast –orange juice with bits or without, what socks they’d wear; like that.
Was a good game though despite missing half of it to go for a trauma call. Another guy decided to go on his bike and race at Caldwell. Was brought in by a chopper. Broke his tibia and fibula so that was a bit nasty and wouldn’t get sorted with just a pull. The plating took 3 hrs. And I thought I shaved this morning.
Is life about watching reruns these days? Live8 rerun, men’s tennis final rerun. Nothing is ever going to be live for me it seems. Maybe a strip of my life could go on a rerun. Maybe I could edit some of the things that’s happened. Not much, just a few, so I won’t hurt so many fragile hearts, so many unselfish gestures, so many kind words..
Life I suppose is a drawing without an eraser. I am shattered, too tired and emotionally drained. I don’t know how long this emotional stringing is going to last. It is character deforming, and it’s frustrating . How could I have reduced myself to not only listen to such words but to justify what seemed like an unfair accusations. I thought we were going to swim together, sink together.
I am most upset that it’s over, but I am happy that it happened. Perhaps to some, we have to meet so many characters in the world to finally realize those ones that are really diamonds to us are the ones that have been there all along. I know there is no storyline to follow, no names, not even a plot to anchor a jigsaw. It doesn’t even feel real anymore. More like a tale in my head which will remain a big dough that will never become karipaps or doughnuts. I just pray that in time..oh well who am I to say this and that.
This I found in my inbox today and don’t you Your Bluntness just almost slapped me into reality.
5 golden rules for finding your life partner by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for reviewing the prospects of long-term marital success.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.
Yet,with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent (in USA), it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms.Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.
Let me say it again:You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding & keeping a life partner.
QUESTION #1:Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat & jog together? You need to share something deeper & more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - & marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts with this person?This question goes to the core of thequality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust- i.e. trust that I won\'t get "punished" or hurt for expressing myhonest thoughts & feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts & feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feelemotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?A mensch is someone who is a refined & sensitive person.How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regularbasis?Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good & do the right thing."So ask about your significant other:What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually amaterialistic person is not someone whose top priority is characterrefinement.There are essentially two types of people in theworld: People who are dedicated to personal growth & people who arededicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION #4:How does he/she treat other people?The one mostimportant thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is\r\nthis someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped upin themselves & self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat parents & siblings? Do they have gratitude & appreciation?If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who can't do nearly as much for them!Do they gossip & speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5:Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage .. for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult & treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head & less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
