Tuesday, June 28, 2005
More random thoughts
One of many ruang udara
Today is good in a way because I didn’t get woken up at all last night after the cardiac arrest. So the goodness is here to last till am on call again tomorrow. A total bliss albeit the ephemeral status.
The goodness I felt was so fat and rich at 10 am. I finally got woken up properly by the blaring sound of the lawnmower, which was when the goodness feeling vamoosed so fast leaving me feeling cranky instead.
They really should invent a muteable lawnmower. I mean most of the time you mow the lawn around houses because that’s where you don’t want snakes to hibernate and houses are where people live in, so people sleep when they live in the house half of the time. So inevitably people always mow the lawn when other people are asleep. It’s not making sense at all now but that’s how the goodness was spoilt.
I felt a certain withdrawal from not talking to somebody. I am going to have to get used to it. It crossed my mind that I am probably better off not having a mobile phone at all now. Nobody calls.
When I feel like I want to feel cared for I can talk to my plants. And when my car broke down on M1 at god knows when, I’ll just hitchhike and make friends. That way I don’t have to rely on making friends through the internet or over the weekends at places for pretentious people because I am sad.
So I lied. Rachael did call and she was on about her new haircut which I personally feel that it was me who started the chain reaction of having a hair cut. Off shoulder, feather edges. Oh yes, she likes my hair alright ( which is now a history after the first wash) and she’s not going to let me be the only one with a new haircut.
And so I went into friendster dot com after many moons leaving it to the mercy of tarantulas, black widows and normal ugly spiders. I feel socially locked you see. This is what I found on my ‘network’.
Popular searches in my network
1. zarina zainudin
2. clubbing clothes
3. tidak bercoli
4. bermalam dengan sepupu
5. diramas lembut olehnya
6. aku menanggalkan seluarku
7. tengok kak stim
8. unusual romantic gifts
9. all about kissing
10. isteri stim
Oh yes, how many times people think about sex in a minute again?
While I am at it, where do these 200 daily bluescrubs readers come from? Planet 007? I am going to have to do like a little survey just to nurse my paranoia. I am growing one you see. It comes in a recently sent little package of accusations, slagging, bickering, bitching, spitting and all other worldly acts of immaturity to the lowest degree.
But they say, when somebody slap you on the right cheek, give the left as well. Oh and I say maybe remind them you taste better medium raw when they have to eat your flesh hereafter.
If none of this make any sense. Please pass go please collect £200, And my new laptop has no £ sign.
Sigh. I am not a writer. I know though that you have to be very passionate about writing to deliver a good piece, but sometimes the reflection of your state of mind through your writing when you don’t even care if it means anything carries more meaning.
Bit like an oil painter who’s run out of blue and because his girlfriend left him for a handsome merchant, he just painted the canvas with what he had with anger without blue. Because he couldn’t be arsed to buy blue.
Smile you’re on call again tomorrow.
Shall I book an ECT?
It should really end round about up there but I want to put this up to torture myself. Conveniently, it suddenly shuffled into the playlist this afternoon.
Anybody who has been dumped and still reads malay can join a tear jerking session anytime with me. Name the time we’ll do it. Hold hands now.
Beratnya rasa hati nak melangkah pergi
Tetapi apakan daya aku terpaksa
Buat kali terakhir
Inginku mengucapkan
Semoga dirimu
Berbahagia selalu
Tentang diriku ini
Terserah padamu tuhan
Menentukan
Tak perlu kau bertanya kemanaku pergi
Pandailah aku menjaga diriku ini
Sekali ku melangkah
Biarlah kuteruskan
Perjalanan ini
Walaupun sendirian
Hanya tuhan yang tahu duka lara diriku ini tak terkata
Kumasih lagi teringat
Bicara mu yang terakhir
Pedihnya hingga
Menikam kalbu
Bisanya
Selamat tinggal sayang ku
Selamat tinggal kasihku
Aku terpaksa pergi dahulu
Kerana terluka
Hati ini
Kiranya tempias mambasahi jendelamu
Itulah airmata yang jatuh dipipiku
Kiranya sang bayu menyentuhi paras wajahmu
Itulah rinduku
Yang menyebut namamu
Setelah kian lama tak jumpa
Today is good in a way because I didn’t get woken up at all last night after the cardiac arrest. So the goodness is here to last till am on call again tomorrow. A total bliss albeit the ephemeral status.
The goodness I felt was so fat and rich at 10 am. I finally got woken up properly by the blaring sound of the lawnmower, which was when the goodness feeling vamoosed so fast leaving me feeling cranky instead.
They really should invent a muteable lawnmower. I mean most of the time you mow the lawn around houses because that’s where you don’t want snakes to hibernate and houses are where people live in, so people sleep when they live in the house half of the time. So inevitably people always mow the lawn when other people are asleep. It’s not making sense at all now but that’s how the goodness was spoilt.
I felt a certain withdrawal from not talking to somebody. I am going to have to get used to it. It crossed my mind that I am probably better off not having a mobile phone at all now. Nobody calls.
When I feel like I want to feel cared for I can talk to my plants. And when my car broke down on M1 at god knows when, I’ll just hitchhike and make friends. That way I don’t have to rely on making friends through the internet or over the weekends at places for pretentious people because I am sad.
So I lied. Rachael did call and she was on about her new haircut which I personally feel that it was me who started the chain reaction of having a hair cut. Off shoulder, feather edges. Oh yes, she likes my hair alright ( which is now a history after the first wash) and she’s not going to let me be the only one with a new haircut.
And so I went into friendster dot com after many moons leaving it to the mercy of tarantulas, black widows and normal ugly spiders. I feel socially locked you see. This is what I found on my ‘network’.
Popular searches in my network
1. zarina zainudin
2. clubbing clothes
3. tidak bercoli
4. bermalam dengan sepupu
5. diramas lembut olehnya
6. aku menanggalkan seluarku
7. tengok kak stim
8. unusual romantic gifts
9. all about kissing
10. isteri stim
Oh yes, how many times people think about sex in a minute again?
While I am at it, where do these 200 daily bluescrubs readers come from? Planet 007? I am going to have to do like a little survey just to nurse my paranoia. I am growing one you see. It comes in a recently sent little package of accusations, slagging, bickering, bitching, spitting and all other worldly acts of immaturity to the lowest degree.
But they say, when somebody slap you on the right cheek, give the left as well. Oh and I say maybe remind them you taste better medium raw when they have to eat your flesh hereafter.
If none of this make any sense. Please pass go please collect £200, And my new laptop has no £ sign.
Sigh. I am not a writer. I know though that you have to be very passionate about writing to deliver a good piece, but sometimes the reflection of your state of mind through your writing when you don’t even care if it means anything carries more meaning.
Bit like an oil painter who’s run out of blue and because his girlfriend left him for a handsome merchant, he just painted the canvas with what he had with anger without blue. Because he couldn’t be arsed to buy blue.
Smile you’re on call again tomorrow.
Shall I book an ECT?
It should really end round about up there but I want to put this up to torture myself. Conveniently, it suddenly shuffled into the playlist this afternoon.
Anybody who has been dumped and still reads malay can join a tear jerking session anytime with me. Name the time we’ll do it. Hold hands now.
Beratnya rasa hati nak melangkah pergi
Tetapi apakan daya aku terpaksa
Buat kali terakhir
Inginku mengucapkan
Semoga dirimu
Berbahagia selalu
Tentang diriku ini
Terserah padamu tuhan
Menentukan
Tak perlu kau bertanya kemanaku pergi
Pandailah aku menjaga diriku ini
Sekali ku melangkah
Biarlah kuteruskan
Perjalanan ini
Walaupun sendirian
Hanya tuhan yang tahu duka lara diriku ini tak terkata
Kumasih lagi teringat
Bicara mu yang terakhir
Pedihnya hingga
Menikam kalbu
Bisanya
Selamat tinggal sayang ku
Selamat tinggal kasihku
Aku terpaksa pergi dahulu
Kerana terluka
Hati ini
Kiranya tempias mambasahi jendelamu
Itulah airmata yang jatuh dipipiku
Kiranya sang bayu menyentuhi paras wajahmu
Itulah rinduku
Yang menyebut namamu
Setelah kian lama tak jumpa
