Monday, June 27, 2005
Another bites the dust- with compassion
Uluwatu-Bali
I’d do anything just so I don’t feel all slumped, heavy and under the heavy clouds, but I won’t do that. Yes that. I could easily do it with me having good track records and an innocent face. Nobody would notice.
But of course I won’t do it. How would I do it if I would and dare do it? Easy, say patient needs 5 mg I’d just draw up the full ampoule and leave the other 5 and slip it in my pocket. But nooooooh of course I wouldn’t do it I wouldn’t even dare thinking such thing.
Azima, if you are reading this, it’s not my attempt at getting arrested so I don’t have to go to work nor have I lost my marbles.
So tonight another bites the dust. As I left C2 from the cardiac arrest, couple of nurses with the tea trolley asking me if she survived.
Me with hands and legs still trembling from sheer adrenaline running up 6 flights of stairs, then fumbling through the intubating kit, then fighting the gushes of gastric content aspiration coming up with each cardiac compression while trying to shove the tube in her throat with blade bulb carbon dated 100 years ago… only manage to do that sign I’ve been doing far too many this week.
It’s the slit throat sign. I don’t know if it’s compassionate enough for the deceased but I was too puffed out to think let alone talk. Just wanted to get to a quiet place and breath.
Sometimes even anaesthetists forget that we all need to breath at least 12 times a minute. *Breath*
Earlier, a guy came in having managed to stub his gastrocnemius (that is calf muscles - I feel like torturing those who speed read) , against some sharp spiky metal spade which had caused deep and gory cut across. So he needed a debridement which is basically a wash out and suturing.
I managed to hunt him down on B6 after being told that he was going to be in A&E still. I think they all have this impression that us anaesthetists have patient radars. Mr. Blob for theatre?wait..don’t tell me, tet tet tet he’s on B6? Right? Golly aren’t this radar marvellous!
Ok ok we would eventually find out but you know, it’s nice to be told saving us walking around like a medical locum from Edinburgh down in A&E.
What I was going to say was, as much as I try to make patients feel comfortable and safe about their anaesthetics, I also forget sometimes that, some of these patients are having it for the first time and need more reassurance than others.
Just because I do this everyday, it doesn’t mean my patient gets it everyday. Simple but easily forgotten. After asking all the relevant questions, I smiled and asked, if there was any questions he would like to ask me.
He leaned forward and whispered, what if I don’t wake up doc?
Cue for sound effect cemas. Jeng jeng JEEEENGGG!! And a bit of echo.
I folded the paperwork as though it was part of the procedure to answer such question.
I had so many things to say and they were all vital, but I wanted them to come out good.
Ehem..Well, with your age and health state I couldn’t foresee any problems that would be of immediate concern. We’ve moved on so much now in anaesthetics and the machines are also advanced with all sorts of modern monitoring. Plus your procedure is short so the risk is pretty balanced. If it is of any consolation, we do this everyday ok sir?
I swear to God I sounded like bagus-bagus, pooof* a mental picture of me floating with thick glasses, prim blouse with pleated skirts and silk ribbon on my ponytail, but in my head very much a contrary ---
Lariiii cepat before dia tanya soalan lagi susah. Run! Save yourself!!
He looked a bit more stained with colour compared to a while ago when I explained what exactly was going to happen.
Was I too serious? Too emotional? Maybe didn’t smile enough.
Ahhh I was still feeling down and I am still to conscious of what I say how I say things and I seem to be writing hell of a lot in here as well. Oh because I don’t talk to anybody these days.
It’s a cheap attempt at cheering up oneself but if you are feeling as rockbottom as I am and you are a Cancerian, leave you with these. Lights off yo.
“Don't worry -- someone loves you just the way you are. Yes, that even includes you and all your supposed flaws. Not only is no one perfect -- but if they were, they'd be boring and insufferable and zero fun. So cut yourself some slack, take a break, pat yourself on the back or, heck, do all three -- whatever it takes so you go easier on yourself and see just how great
you are. After all, someone pretty important to you already thinks that”.
I’d do anything just so I don’t feel all slumped, heavy and under the heavy clouds, but I won’t do that. Yes that. I could easily do it with me having good track records and an innocent face. Nobody would notice.
But of course I won’t do it. How would I do it if I would and dare do it? Easy, say patient needs 5 mg I’d just draw up the full ampoule and leave the other 5 and slip it in my pocket. But nooooooh of course I wouldn’t do it I wouldn’t even dare thinking such thing.
Azima, if you are reading this, it’s not my attempt at getting arrested so I don’t have to go to work nor have I lost my marbles.
So tonight another bites the dust. As I left C2 from the cardiac arrest, couple of nurses with the tea trolley asking me if she survived.
Me with hands and legs still trembling from sheer adrenaline running up 6 flights of stairs, then fumbling through the intubating kit, then fighting the gushes of gastric content aspiration coming up with each cardiac compression while trying to shove the tube in her throat with blade bulb carbon dated 100 years ago… only manage to do that sign I’ve been doing far too many this week.
It’s the slit throat sign. I don’t know if it’s compassionate enough for the deceased but I was too puffed out to think let alone talk. Just wanted to get to a quiet place and breath.
Sometimes even anaesthetists forget that we all need to breath at least 12 times a minute. *Breath*
Earlier, a guy came in having managed to stub his gastrocnemius (that is calf muscles - I feel like torturing those who speed read) , against some sharp spiky metal spade which had caused deep and gory cut across. So he needed a debridement which is basically a wash out and suturing.
I managed to hunt him down on B6 after being told that he was going to be in A&E still. I think they all have this impression that us anaesthetists have patient radars. Mr. Blob for theatre?wait..don’t tell me, tet tet tet he’s on B6? Right? Golly aren’t this radar marvellous!
Ok ok we would eventually find out but you know, it’s nice to be told saving us walking around like a medical locum from Edinburgh down in A&E.
What I was going to say was, as much as I try to make patients feel comfortable and safe about their anaesthetics, I also forget sometimes that, some of these patients are having it for the first time and need more reassurance than others.
Just because I do this everyday, it doesn’t mean my patient gets it everyday. Simple but easily forgotten. After asking all the relevant questions, I smiled and asked, if there was any questions he would like to ask me.
He leaned forward and whispered, what if I don’t wake up doc?
Cue for sound effect cemas. Jeng jeng JEEEENGGG!! And a bit of echo.
I folded the paperwork as though it was part of the procedure to answer such question.
I had so many things to say and they were all vital, but I wanted them to come out good.
Ehem..Well, with your age and health state I couldn’t foresee any problems that would be of immediate concern. We’ve moved on so much now in anaesthetics and the machines are also advanced with all sorts of modern monitoring. Plus your procedure is short so the risk is pretty balanced. If it is of any consolation, we do this everyday ok sir?
I swear to God I sounded like bagus-bagus, pooof* a mental picture of me floating with thick glasses, prim blouse with pleated skirts and silk ribbon on my ponytail, but in my head very much a contrary ---
Lariiii cepat before dia tanya soalan lagi susah. Run! Save yourself!!
He looked a bit more stained with colour compared to a while ago when I explained what exactly was going to happen.
Was I too serious? Too emotional? Maybe didn’t smile enough.
Ahhh I was still feeling down and I am still to conscious of what I say how I say things and I seem to be writing hell of a lot in here as well. Oh because I don’t talk to anybody these days.
It’s a cheap attempt at cheering up oneself but if you are feeling as rockbottom as I am and you are a Cancerian, leave you with these. Lights off yo.
“Don't worry -- someone loves you just the way you are. Yes, that even includes you and all your supposed flaws. Not only is no one perfect -- but if they were, they'd be boring and insufferable and zero fun. So cut yourself some slack, take a break, pat yourself on the back or, heck, do all three -- whatever it takes so you go easier on yourself and see just how great
you are. After all, someone pretty important to you already thinks that”.
