Sunday, May 08, 2005

Pillow Talk

Who dat?


Letting go is not the easiest thing to do, especially when it comes to something you have so much hope for. Something you have nurtured, putting effort in, time, money, energy and the paraphernalia that comes with making something like a relationship to work out.

It’s not hard if you can see with your naked eyes that your effort had gone to waste, that he is not worth your time, money and love, and that, whatever you have invested in really not giving good returns.

It’s blantantly obvious that you have to leave when you see that he is say, with another woman, but most of the time, it’s not that easy to tell. There are only clues to pick up, but you need to use all your senses, sharpen that emotional intelligence and be bold and blunt.

What makes it worse is when feelings get woven in so strongly and so complicatedly that at times you think there is no way you ever going to do it, stand up for it, to leave, to be single again. What more if it forms the scaffolding for the building you’re working on. Little memories cemented the building blocks of promises, towering layer upon layer. You lay it down so well, so precise, neatly, with all that you have. But what makes it a good wall?

What will make the wall stand the test of time, momentum, hammering, throwing, punching and kicking? From left or right, from inside or outside you need that trust we all talk about all the time. That silly thing called trust.

Your wall will crumble slowly but surely when accusations and blaming start to become the headline, the main topic of discussion whenever you sit down to talk.

“It’s you who started it first”.


Familiar?

Who will become the judge of who is right or wrong? Who are we to question what the other person feels?

What is the point in sniggering an emotional blackmail like ‘You don’t love me, you never cared’.

Is there any trophy to win? No there isn’t. Only God knows what goes on in one’s heart. People forget that they actually both love each other. They forget and underestimate the power of words. They lose respect yet start claiming respect from each other.

‘Why can’t you respect me more’. It's more of an acquired thing rather than a requested thing.

Words can kill from inside, slice your gut bluntly with agonising accusations, screw tight with name callings, twist your inside to the point of ultimate nauseating visceral pain to make you believe that you are a horrible person nobody ever deserve to be with.

Before you knew it he's already turned you, once a bubbly carefree person into a miserable grumpy sickening peasant. Forever thinking you are the one guilty, you're the one causing the argument, you're the one who is not worthy. Could he be doing this because he is the one who is feeling guilty? Could he be the dishonest one. A liar who is calling another person a liar?

As Rachael said to me when we had a pillow talk on Saturday morning, a dishonest person can never trust himself or herself, therefore the need to call another person a liar and make blind accusations because that is what she or he would do. That is all that they know in their heads.

She knows because she was one. She suffered a great loss, a great love.

As you bleed steadily, hoping that kind words, words of remorse or atonement of some sort catch you just in time, what you don't need is another ‘deadly’ word pushing you off the cliff.

People can say such dehumanising things sometimes. Don’t make excuses for such people, it’s time to leave before it’s too late. They don’t deserve you. Just leave.

Words…
Promises…

Don’t be another Tipah.

“Tapi Tipah sangka dia betul betul sayangkan Tipah. Tipah tak sangka jadi begini. Keluarganya semua baik baik belaka. Tipah tertipu bang, tipah tertipu.” Sok sek sok sek..(sobbing)

“Tak ada tapi tapi lagi Tipah”..

Auntie.BluEScrubber

Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?


MusicPlaylist
Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Links
nursing uniforms
Raglan Top in Amber Glow
Raglan-$14.95
Buy Scrubs at Scrubsgallery.com
and save.