Thursday, April 21, 2005
When It Feels Like It..
Planet fuzzy
My thoughts v'been hijacked to orbit the planet of fuzziness these few days. This repetitive questioning and answering around the same orbit could have been the reason why a lot of things are misplaced lately and my head buzzing in a rather annoying deafening decibels.
It’s like having a mosquito high on ketamine lost in my mosquito net. I feel like burning the whole net and let the mosquito feast on me.
There are times when some things in life, although to others seem very miniscule that they have to find a magnifying glass to see the whole picture, but to you seem like the colossal Ayres rock stuck right in front of your sad face. Won’t go away even if you sneeze a Tsunami.
To you, it’s the first time that they ever happened, all at once. Hit you in the head, face all angles you can barely stop and ask why me. How would you know how to handle them. Do you do what’s right or do you just ignore and let things take their own course, whichever way. Would it matter if you do things differently?
You just don’t know what to do and you hope hard it will just sort itself out.
***
At least 3 events meteorited into my space and stirred me. I’ll spare the details until such time these things could be wrapped into neat little cupcakes made sweet, not as ugly and palatable enough for at least me, to swallow.
Funny enough I can either just let it be or make things to follow my way, my orbit my style, to my likings. What’s not funny is, it’s not as easy as choosing what flavour Solero you’d have. My mind has not rested.
What ever it is, I need to learn to not get these 3 things swamp me and eat me from inside. My inside is very soft and fragile. I am scared that one day my inside will freeze and can no longer capture any heat long enough to melt it to once wombish warm cosy centre to have any legitimate something resembling what we call feelings. Love hate anger..what’s the point of living if you can’t feel.
***
One of the issues is about a want. When you need something so badly, nobody will blame you for trying even if the idea of doing it or having it seems next to seeing another comet Hayley. But you must keep going and put all the negative energy and convert it into passion to get to the end point.
You must see the end point.
You must have a tunnel.
There is no point trying to do something you have no clue as to why you’re doing it or how you’re going to do it.
Also, those things that are worth it are never made easy to get. I hate failures.
My thoughts v'been hijacked to orbit the planet of fuzziness these few days. This repetitive questioning and answering around the same orbit could have been the reason why a lot of things are misplaced lately and my head buzzing in a rather annoying deafening decibels.
It’s like having a mosquito high on ketamine lost in my mosquito net. I feel like burning the whole net and let the mosquito feast on me.
There are times when some things in life, although to others seem very miniscule that they have to find a magnifying glass to see the whole picture, but to you seem like the colossal Ayres rock stuck right in front of your sad face. Won’t go away even if you sneeze a Tsunami.
To you, it’s the first time that they ever happened, all at once. Hit you in the head, face all angles you can barely stop and ask why me. How would you know how to handle them. Do you do what’s right or do you just ignore and let things take their own course, whichever way. Would it matter if you do things differently?
You just don’t know what to do and you hope hard it will just sort itself out.
***
At least 3 events meteorited into my space and stirred me. I’ll spare the details until such time these things could be wrapped into neat little cupcakes made sweet, not as ugly and palatable enough for at least me, to swallow.
Funny enough I can either just let it be or make things to follow my way, my orbit my style, to my likings. What’s not funny is, it’s not as easy as choosing what flavour Solero you’d have. My mind has not rested.
What ever it is, I need to learn to not get these 3 things swamp me and eat me from inside. My inside is very soft and fragile. I am scared that one day my inside will freeze and can no longer capture any heat long enough to melt it to once wombish warm cosy centre to have any legitimate something resembling what we call feelings. Love hate anger..what’s the point of living if you can’t feel.
***
One of the issues is about a want. When you need something so badly, nobody will blame you for trying even if the idea of doing it or having it seems next to seeing another comet Hayley. But you must keep going and put all the negative energy and convert it into passion to get to the end point.
You must see the end point.
You must have a tunnel.
There is no point trying to do something you have no clue as to why you’re doing it or how you’re going to do it.
Also, those things that are worth it are never made easy to get. I hate failures.
