BluE Scrubs

It’s the second day of triple whammy weekend on-call. Left what felt like a sinking ship at 9pm.

That 78 year old man in the first bay just came off the machine. Still breathing shallow, grotty lungs, drowsy, not knowing who’s who where is what and when is how. Much hope he’s still there tomorrow morning when I come on duty again.

That 33 year old guy in the cubicle had to go one the machine again. He smokes 4 packs a day and sub-suddenly drowned himself.

Bit like, oh I don’t feel well a bit short of breath ..like …coughing a bit…can’t sleep..like breathless…like oh why am I blue..i feel dizzy..lets go to A&E. And when he got to A&E, left any longer he would have been dead. Out from the tube from his right chest that we plugged in, 3 litres poured out.

He just look- it, he smell- it, he is just- it. Let’s just wait for histology, for some ‘strange’ looking cells. Please don’t let me be the one breaking the bad news to the fiance. He’s getting married next month.

In the next bay, what can I say. Pull the plug? Don’t pull the plug?

He’s only 65 and his diagnosis is somewhat a waffle to people like my mum and my aunties. People turn white, the lights go off, future seems bleak when we mention the word cancer, but does heart failure mean anything?

Does it mean anything when the doctor says your heart is not pumping very well?

Does it mean anything when your heart thumps away erratically like you’re on a 100m track while you’re sitting on the sofa watching Trisha show, or on the bed doing strenuous exercise involving a plug and a socket?

At least when you’re told you’ve got cancer, you are told 3 months, 6 months and good for you if the doctor is wrong. Enough time to get your house ‘in order’ before you’re six feet under.

But when it's the heart we're talking about, you can just drop dead and your house will be left as it is. Nothing arranged for when you’re no longer around...

Your woman might be waiting for you to come home to put the rubbish out and mow the lawn.

Your boy and your two little girls might be waiting for you to come home to blow up the bouncy castle to have a good laugh.

Your little one might be waiting for you eagerly, see what daddy’s got me for me befday…

And you are gone forever.

I personally think that there’s a dense stigma attached to the word cancer and not enough emphasis on much more common, much more debilitating morbidity and mortality associated with that thing that stains your finger yellow and stinks your body right down to the pubic hair.

Now put away that stick and get your ass moving.

Iklan ini ditaja oleh Dunhill, Gaya Mutu Keunggulan. Merokok membahayakan kesihatan.

One more day ..one more day.

Lights off.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Lights back on : how does angel of death sleep at night?

Lights off.