Monday, March 07, 2005

Poke The Eye

If I could blend myself into the wall like a wallpaper, I would have.

I was with Dr.GG in the morning, doing an eye list for cataract operations. My my my didn’t my limbs feel heavy (berat tulang). The last time I saw a needle going into an eye was probably at the beginning of my job in this place, say 6 months ago. Flipping heck , has it been 6 months already? So, in all honesty I never actually thought that day will come where I’d be the anaesthetist doing a subTenon injection.

This is a mak datuk (mamagrandpapa) sized needle, curved and blunt. We all know that the more blunt the more torture, but hey look, me going to stick this great big needle in your eye old man, get ready…oppeeenn wide. Oh I swear I could have fainted.

I can stand sticking needles in the hands, the foot, the neck, the tummy , and throw a few stitches on some drunken morons with bleeding scalp on a Saturday night in A&E, but needles in the eye? Thank you, BluEScrubs is leaving the building.

I was stood there at the corner of the OR, twiddling my fingers. Wasn’t sure if I was humming loudly as well because Bill the ODA nudged me and said somebody is happy today. I managed a pathetic grin.

Dr.GG asked me. Have you seen a subTenon before?

I couldn’t lie so I said yes. Curtly but sweetly.

You can do the next one he said.

Gulp.

Dr GG is originally from Nepal and his English can be a bit military, so I was well tuned.

He did the first one and I was all the time, a beautiful creepy wild flower standing in the background for the whole 10 minutes. Never felt so useless in my life, yet so dizzy thinking about the impending doom.

I don’t want to stick it in the eye Arghhhhhhhhhhhh…Somebody please hit the fire alarm.


The moment of truth arrived. Finally. My hands were shaking, my throat was dry and I can hear ringing in my ears. In the past, that is a pre dromal sign that I was going to pass out. But no, I was still standing. Damn. It’s a bit hot in here yes? Bill gave me a wink. He can smell fear or what? He needs a kick.


This is the guy who saved me last week from a sheer shameful defeat at an impossible spinal injection. The woman was, em let’s just say, ample in the adipose tissue department rendered me helpless in finding the bones department. She needed it for a third degree repair post labour. I gasped at the sight of the tear, which was vertical, right down through the perineal body missing the rectum by, not much at all. Unaware, I limped back to the head end of the operating table with legs crossed and my heart goes out to Cik T. Sorry for all the time I ever made you cry Mak.
.

Patient: How am I doing? Is this ok for you

Bless her, she’s trying her best to do that crouching tiger hidden dragon position to help me, but no dear, you just need to be slimmer, a lot slimmer!! That’d be very politically incorrect, so of course I said, No, no you’re doing just fine, we’re just trying to see if we’ve got a something else that we can use. Me biting lips, looking at Bill.


I was at the end of my wits. Bill’s lightbulb appeared just on time and after saying be back in a jiff, he returned with a Portex combined spinal epidural needle. A makdatuk sized needle. I have taken a picture of this and posted below, as I have begged on all fours from Bill to give me one to take home. Said I was going to frame it.

That is my favourite toy at the moment, can’t wait to play again. So, no kicking Bill really.

This is what happened when you never learn how to write properly and just blurt out whatever’s in mind. I’ve digressed from the main story.

So, I did the first one.

The gentleman, was well mannered. Clean shaven, eloquent with Southern accent. They’re all elderly, but this one, must have been in the army or something. He had a Sean Connery kind of firmness and agility. When I called him to the room for pre anaesthetic consultation early in the morning, I saw the book he was reading, VOYAGE by some dude with a strange Ukrainy name. Love a man with a book. Kind of mysterious, lost, in his own kind of world.

So I put the benoxinate, the numbing stuff in the eye. Dr GG looked on. Didn’t say a word. The last time I felt like that was when I had to sing on an induction day aeons ago in TKC. What a cock up, stopped half way and said I forgot the lyrics. I wanted to forget how to do this and just become a halimunan man. I mean woman.

There, done. Dr GG checked the eyeball. I took a drag of breath. The patient couldn’t move his eyeball, so, that's good, but to the left. He’s still moving his eye to the left!

Scratch head. That wouldn’t happen even if I try so hard. Dr GG took over. Grrrrr!!

The second patient, I wasn’t shaking so much. It felt like riding a bicycle again after getting scratched and bruised. Made the nick in the membrane. Shoved the needle in, inject. Eyeball expressed forward. Euughhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 minutes later, Dr GG approached, checking the eye movement. It’s moving all over the place, it’s like I never touched the patient at all! Grrrrrrr.

He said, let me do it. The good thing is, he complimented. Nice hole you’ve got there. So the hole I made was perfect, but the block is not working. Grrrrrrrr…

The third patient, an 80 year old Checz man, I spent 20 minutes chatting to this morning. He fought the world war 2 and I just didn’t have the heart to cut him short with his world stories.

All I said was, so how old are you sir? They could go on and on, believe you me, but with a face like and saying I looked like an angel at 8:30 am, you’ve got to love the man. I wonder if they did his cataract properly the last time.

I was determined this time. No more shaking, no more faffing, no more winging. Took it all slow and steady. God knows what went on in my mind at the time. May, Bali, blablablablablawhywhywhy.

It was a perfect SubTenon!! Finally.

Kanckered..ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz Remifentanil, fentanyl, Alfentanil….

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