Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Babble and babble
This is the 4th time this month, I've locked myself out of the flat. Each time, I was so certain that I had the key with me and of course each time I was proven wrong. It is becoming rather tedious, I feel heavily drugged, opiated up to my eyeballs.
The document signed by the Head of the department had gone missing. It's due 3 days ago. I charmed my way out, but how long can I do that? Until they stop calling me cheeky and start calling me unreliable? The document, must have been stolen by a 2 headed evil leprachaun, I jeered myself. I know though, I have placed it somewhere, only I couldn't find it yet. I raided the study and all attempts weren't as fruitful.
My logbook, although recovered is still a bit behind. I have a backlog to clear.
I have lost my ID badge recently but that wasn't too bad as they have replaced it prompt and ad hoc, only because if I can't get through the doors, there's a life at stake. Still, it went missing because my concentration, instinct, memory and acumen had gone idle, on hold. It's awaiting some voltage to kick into a desirable wattage.
My synapses clogged, neutransmitters depleted, my thoughts chocablock. It's like I've cobwebbed myself to a ceiling, and all I could do is to stare down at the play to carry on without me.
I know exactly where my mind is these days but to spill the bean will mean losing all four limbs. Almost suicidal. This blog, although as personal as it may look is not troll free, not a place to call my own.
I was sitting in the visitors' room and listening to the Chief breaking the bad news to a man, also a son and a woman, also a daughter. The picture painted was grim. Chief, very eloquently, with soft but baritone, firm but persuasive voice delivered the gist of the current situation of the man newly admitted to the ICU, a man known to these two as Dad. He is going to die, anon.
The woman broke into unconsolable tears and only then my concentration homed in, horizon found it's x axis, the infinite open tundra clicked into four beige walls. and I am back to earth. I was miles away. I have so much on my mind I wish I could just leave. Not even packed, just leave.
I am on the wait, but for how long? Eternity? Life is too short says he, I know says me. Don't you want to be happy asks he, I do says me. What are you waiting for presses he, you don't understand retorts me. The fact is nobody does, not even me sometimes. I want to read this back and make it comprehensible but it's a cul de sac, it's not even allowing a U turn.
The document signed by the Head of the department had gone missing. It's due 3 days ago. I charmed my way out, but how long can I do that? Until they stop calling me cheeky and start calling me unreliable? The document, must have been stolen by a 2 headed evil leprachaun, I jeered myself. I know though, I have placed it somewhere, only I couldn't find it yet. I raided the study and all attempts weren't as fruitful.
My logbook, although recovered is still a bit behind. I have a backlog to clear.
I have lost my ID badge recently but that wasn't too bad as they have replaced it prompt and ad hoc, only because if I can't get through the doors, there's a life at stake. Still, it went missing because my concentration, instinct, memory and acumen had gone idle, on hold. It's awaiting some voltage to kick into a desirable wattage.
My synapses clogged, neutransmitters depleted, my thoughts chocablock. It's like I've cobwebbed myself to a ceiling, and all I could do is to stare down at the play to carry on without me.
I know exactly where my mind is these days but to spill the bean will mean losing all four limbs. Almost suicidal. This blog, although as personal as it may look is not troll free, not a place to call my own.
I was sitting in the visitors' room and listening to the Chief breaking the bad news to a man, also a son and a woman, also a daughter. The picture painted was grim. Chief, very eloquently, with soft but baritone, firm but persuasive voice delivered the gist of the current situation of the man newly admitted to the ICU, a man known to these two as Dad. He is going to die, anon.
The woman broke into unconsolable tears and only then my concentration homed in, horizon found it's x axis, the infinite open tundra clicked into four beige walls. and I am back to earth. I was miles away. I have so much on my mind I wish I could just leave. Not even packed, just leave.
I am on the wait, but for how long? Eternity? Life is too short says he, I know says me. Don't you want to be happy asks he, I do says me. What are you waiting for presses he, you don't understand retorts me. The fact is nobody does, not even me sometimes. I want to read this back and make it comprehensible but it's a cul de sac, it's not even allowing a U turn.
