Saturday, November 20, 2004
Conspiracy and Conundrum
This is insane. I am beginning to believe that there is a big conspiracy to make me turn up unbelievably late for my oncalls or for anything remotely important to me. Not forgetting that day when I was suppose to be in Leeds for 08:30 and got there at 14:00?
You can only do that by being me and owning my geriatric alarm clock. It has never failed me before and I could swear that I did not hear a thing till Maggie woke me up with mighty loud thumpings on my door.
"Naj...Naaaaaaaaaaaj!!!!
" Your Dr. Bghomwell iz on zerr fongn..he wans yew..you on call todei??"
I rubbed my eyes vigorously and stared at her by the door.
In my hippocampus: Who Bghomwell? Why he wants me? Why he called you? What day is it? What time is it? Looking at the clock. What are you doing with my mug again. And why do you always look good in the morning.. and you smell nice.
Then my hopeless bioCPU came to a halt. Bugger! I'm on call today. Just as I stuttered to explain to Maggie, the faithful samsung E800 broke into a chirpy polyphonic ringtone..rather soothing to self. I hope I didn't swear and made him cry. Hung up instantaneously.
I rushed to the loo and Maggie howled again.
"Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaj, Bghomwell still on ze fongn fo yewwwwww"
Arrgghhhhhhhhh bollocks. He's been on the phone all that time? I'm so going to get so much bollocking.I had to tighten my perineal sphincters and put off the idea on a tinkle for a while, pull up my knickers and dashed into her room. Hmmmm..very tidy. Marked contrast to mine. So she likes picture frames..
"Err Hello, It's Naj"
"Ahhhhhh, Dr. Ahmad( note the sarcasm there, very stingy..one jelly fish). So you're alive then? (two jelly fish)I've been worried sick. Unlike you to not tell us if you're not well".
"Oh no, I'm well Dr. Bramwell ( notice that it rhymes there and when said outloud it was rather distracting to not notice it) It's just err..errmmm my alarm err...uhh so sorry .. be there in 10 Dr. Bramwell."
"Ahh so you are joining us then. Jolly good indeed". (three jelly fish)
"Yes Dr. Bramwell, sorry Dr. Bramwell", I started taking shallow breaths.
Click* Ohmegawwdd.
So there I was, after 3 jelly fish from Bramwell, doing bare minimum to get maximum result so as not to turn up like a complete doodah on the unit. Of course I didn't shower and of course I squirt some fresh smelling stuff. May I thank myself and various other factors that contributed to me taking shower last night. It has helped in speeding up the process of getting ready.
**********
I usually use the backdoor to the hospital. This is via the Diamond suite. Sounds terribly posh isn't it?, well of course it is. It's the psychiatric unit.
At the double door two women were smoking. One was eyeing me like a hawk. I approached them and indicated that I wanted to pass through, and I thought silly women blocking the doorway. It didn't make sense because A ) it's bloody cold outside and B) they are not your normal size women. You are looking at the top of the range sizes.
Suddenly the one in a pink jump suit which I will call CrazywomanA which most suitedly called 'jackfruit-shroud', paced herself in the doorway and started looking at me up and down.
"I like you, you look beautiful",
"I saw you on telly"
I was positive she was trying to touch my hair and wasn't going to let me through.
CrazywomanA jutted he lower lips to the side and blew the smoke. Gosh I wish I was taller.
I froze and smiled automatically, hands in my coat. One step backed and I glanced at the receptionist.
"So are you", smile plentifully, gosh what have I said, please let me pass I am late, I am going to have my head chopped. perempuangilaperempuangilaperempuangilaprempuangila.
CrazywomanA shifted herself away, not a single smile, after a few glances exchanged with her 'partner'?CrazywomanB. I say that as they look as rough as each other. What are those things they're wearing around their heads??
CrazywomanB had the same thing but in a different colour. On top of that, crazywomanB had a long black skirt, black blouse, black boots and black lipstick. A lost gypsy of some sort. Is she not cold with only that on? I hastened my pace along the corridor. Ayyaamaa..so so weird.
**********
I arrived at 09:45, almost an hour 15 minutes late. The smirking and giggles I got from the nursing staff was almost comforting. An indication that he hasn't been blowing his hat off about this whole Naj-had-too-much-to-drink-and-pass-out which rendered her late for work. So not like that.
Everybody thought I had a 'bad' night, that's what happened on saturday mornings, junior doctors turn up late cos they've been out on some wild and crazy parties. Wish that was the case. Was absolutely not though. Just knackered from the Leeds 2 hour in and 2 hour out driving. Sad but true.
For some bizarre reasons I didn't let that impression get washed out by the truth. I am beginning to believe that, being all drunk on a Friday night and zombied an hour and fifteen minutes late to work the next day is an acceptable thing. The most you get is probably some shaking heads and a wagging finger, and a smack in the hand.
So, I just grinned sheepishly , cheeks all red from the painstakingly cold winter wind and hair all frizzled up akin to that being fed a 100mA curent across the temporals, how else would you get that kind of frizz, most hideous I thought to myself everytime I look in the mirror.
Got there and he's on an "executive ward" round with Mr. Souka. Only consultants go on "executive ward" rounds. I call that because , the round will always end up on topics about holidays, yachts, my big house, your holiday house in spain , my grapevine in French, the finer things in life, the epicureanisms.You wonder if they are making it all up. I think so. Too much blinking while talking. A sure sign that people are lying.
Had five beds occupied by 5 sick people on the Intensive care Unit. 2 were doing well. One is battling along in the corner. It' s always those ones whose livers are a bit pickled from years of boozing that don't do so well.
**********
Alcohol is wonderful, it's always bringing you closer to another world. You drink moderately you loose that bit of 'Maybe I shouldn't' so you ended up saying or doing something you later discover you wouldn't have normally. Might be beneficial might well be disastrous. But you would be in that confident new world where life has no boundries and full of colours.
If you drink a lot and alot then you might just enjoy the snooze in the corner with a bit of a pungent smell of vomitus. Now that is the snooze world. We all know being unconscious is wonderful. Wonderful world of passing-out. So if you drink and you say you had a good time, that's bollocks isn't it. How can you say you've enjoyed it when you don't remember a thing?
Pleasureable things are repeated because, they are remembered as being pleasurable. Is drinking pleasurable then? Maybe but what's the point if you can't bloody remember the pleasure? That's a conundrum.
**********
Sam walked in almost breaking into a mini skippings. So somebody is happy I thought.
"Hi trouble!!!"he greeted.
I grinned and beamed a smile. Must smile a lot.
"So what happened this morning?" So now he knows.
"We almost sent securities to go and check up on you. Dr. Bramwell was soooo worried. We thought maybe you were lying on the floor, unconscious, or you're not well and couldn't get up or..you've been kidnapped" he seemed to smile a lot.
I recited my stupid alarm story and he made that bottoms up wiggle-wiggle gesture couple of times with his eyebrows doing a quick up and down jingle and broke into a laugh.
"Aaaaaaaaahh I wish I'm as young as you are",
bet you he didn't mean it because I think he's very happy being just Sam. Not a younger Sam.
This is strange. He looked fresh as well and what parfum has he got on. Very nice.
So Dr Bramwell was genuinely worried. So sweet indeed. I feel even more sorry. I am so bad.
Stomach growled patheticly loud. Bet it was lunch time and it was as well. Bramwell whizzed past and almost like a knee jerk I smiled and asked,
"Do you think I could go and get a bite now?"
I really don't mind if he' s said no. I felt like I deserved some kind of a punishment. Not sure whether rationing my food is better than a spanking. Had he asked to choose I would have said a spank. Would I then have to say please? Please can I have a spank instead?
He stopped into a stance in a mid stride and turned. Rather like those little malleable green soldiers your 10 year old brother spent whole morning lining up on the sofa armrest and you came and gave yourself a pleasure of knocking them all off. Noice. And victory if he cries.
He smiled!!Yes he smiled..so he's forgotten.
"Hmmmmm...so you need lunch? Don't enjoy it though",still smiling, very rude but very sweet.
Very close, very close I thought.
Shall invest in a new alarm clock. One that shrieks and another that talks.
You can only do that by being me and owning my geriatric alarm clock. It has never failed me before and I could swear that I did not hear a thing till Maggie woke me up with mighty loud thumpings on my door.
"Naj...Naaaaaaaaaaaj!!!!
" Your Dr. Bghomwell iz on zerr fongn..he wans yew..you on call todei??"
I rubbed my eyes vigorously and stared at her by the door.
In my hippocampus: Who Bghomwell? Why he wants me? Why he called you? What day is it? What time is it? Looking at the clock. What are you doing with my mug again. And why do you always look good in the morning.. and you smell nice.
Then my hopeless bioCPU came to a halt. Bugger! I'm on call today. Just as I stuttered to explain to Maggie, the faithful samsung E800 broke into a chirpy polyphonic ringtone..rather soothing to self. I hope I didn't swear and made him cry. Hung up instantaneously.
I rushed to the loo and Maggie howled again.
"Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaj, Bghomwell still on ze fongn fo yewwwwww"
Arrgghhhhhhhhh bollocks. He's been on the phone all that time? I'm so going to get so much bollocking.I had to tighten my perineal sphincters and put off the idea on a tinkle for a while, pull up my knickers and dashed into her room. Hmmmm..very tidy. Marked contrast to mine. So she likes picture frames..
"Err Hello, It's Naj"
"Ahhhhhh, Dr. Ahmad( note the sarcasm there, very stingy..one jelly fish). So you're alive then? (two jelly fish)I've been worried sick. Unlike you to not tell us if you're not well".
"Oh no, I'm well Dr. Bramwell ( notice that it rhymes there and when said outloud it was rather distracting to not notice it) It's just err..errmmm my alarm err...uhh so sorry .. be there in 10 Dr. Bramwell."
"Ahh so you are joining us then. Jolly good indeed". (three jelly fish)
"Yes Dr. Bramwell, sorry Dr. Bramwell", I started taking shallow breaths.
Click* Ohmegawwdd.
So there I was, after 3 jelly fish from Bramwell, doing bare minimum to get maximum result so as not to turn up like a complete doodah on the unit. Of course I didn't shower and of course I squirt some fresh smelling stuff. May I thank myself and various other factors that contributed to me taking shower last night. It has helped in speeding up the process of getting ready.
**********
I usually use the backdoor to the hospital. This is via the Diamond suite. Sounds terribly posh isn't it?, well of course it is. It's the psychiatric unit.
At the double door two women were smoking. One was eyeing me like a hawk. I approached them and indicated that I wanted to pass through, and I thought silly women blocking the doorway. It didn't make sense because A ) it's bloody cold outside and B) they are not your normal size women. You are looking at the top of the range sizes.
Suddenly the one in a pink jump suit which I will call CrazywomanA which most suitedly called 'jackfruit-shroud', paced herself in the doorway and started looking at me up and down.
"I like you, you look beautiful",
"I saw you on telly"
I was positive she was trying to touch my hair and wasn't going to let me through.
CrazywomanA jutted he lower lips to the side and blew the smoke. Gosh I wish I was taller.
I froze and smiled automatically, hands in my coat. One step backed and I glanced at the receptionist.
"So are you", smile plentifully, gosh what have I said, please let me pass I am late, I am going to have my head chopped. perempuangilaperempuangilaperempuangilaprempuangila.
CrazywomanA shifted herself away, not a single smile, after a few glances exchanged with her 'partner'?CrazywomanB. I say that as they look as rough as each other. What are those things they're wearing around their heads??
CrazywomanB had the same thing but in a different colour. On top of that, crazywomanB had a long black skirt, black blouse, black boots and black lipstick. A lost gypsy of some sort. Is she not cold with only that on? I hastened my pace along the corridor. Ayyaamaa..so so weird.
**********
I arrived at 09:45, almost an hour 15 minutes late. The smirking and giggles I got from the nursing staff was almost comforting. An indication that he hasn't been blowing his hat off about this whole Naj-had-too-much-to-drink-and-pass-out which rendered her late for work. So not like that.
Everybody thought I had a 'bad' night, that's what happened on saturday mornings, junior doctors turn up late cos they've been out on some wild and crazy parties. Wish that was the case. Was absolutely not though. Just knackered from the Leeds 2 hour in and 2 hour out driving. Sad but true.
For some bizarre reasons I didn't let that impression get washed out by the truth. I am beginning to believe that, being all drunk on a Friday night and zombied an hour and fifteen minutes late to work the next day is an acceptable thing. The most you get is probably some shaking heads and a wagging finger, and a smack in the hand.
So, I just grinned sheepishly , cheeks all red from the painstakingly cold winter wind and hair all frizzled up akin to that being fed a 100mA curent across the temporals, how else would you get that kind of frizz, most hideous I thought to myself everytime I look in the mirror.
Got there and he's on an "executive ward" round with Mr. Souka. Only consultants go on "executive ward" rounds. I call that because , the round will always end up on topics about holidays, yachts, my big house, your holiday house in spain , my grapevine in French, the finer things in life, the epicureanisms.You wonder if they are making it all up. I think so. Too much blinking while talking. A sure sign that people are lying.
Had five beds occupied by 5 sick people on the Intensive care Unit. 2 were doing well. One is battling along in the corner. It' s always those ones whose livers are a bit pickled from years of boozing that don't do so well.
**********
Alcohol is wonderful, it's always bringing you closer to another world. You drink moderately you loose that bit of 'Maybe I shouldn't' so you ended up saying or doing something you later discover you wouldn't have normally. Might be beneficial might well be disastrous. But you would be in that confident new world where life has no boundries and full of colours.
If you drink a lot and alot then you might just enjoy the snooze in the corner with a bit of a pungent smell of vomitus. Now that is the snooze world. We all know being unconscious is wonderful. Wonderful world of passing-out. So if you drink and you say you had a good time, that's bollocks isn't it. How can you say you've enjoyed it when you don't remember a thing?
Pleasureable things are repeated because, they are remembered as being pleasurable. Is drinking pleasurable then? Maybe but what's the point if you can't bloody remember the pleasure? That's a conundrum.
**********
Sam walked in almost breaking into a mini skippings. So somebody is happy I thought.
"Hi trouble!!!"he greeted.
I grinned and beamed a smile. Must smile a lot.
"So what happened this morning?" So now he knows.
"We almost sent securities to go and check up on you. Dr. Bramwell was soooo worried. We thought maybe you were lying on the floor, unconscious, or you're not well and couldn't get up or..you've been kidnapped" he seemed to smile a lot.
I recited my stupid alarm story and he made that bottoms up wiggle-wiggle gesture couple of times with his eyebrows doing a quick up and down jingle and broke into a laugh.
"Aaaaaaaaahh I wish I'm as young as you are",
bet you he didn't mean it because I think he's very happy being just Sam. Not a younger Sam.
This is strange. He looked fresh as well and what parfum has he got on. Very nice.
So Dr Bramwell was genuinely worried. So sweet indeed. I feel even more sorry. I am so bad.
Stomach growled patheticly loud. Bet it was lunch time and it was as well. Bramwell whizzed past and almost like a knee jerk I smiled and asked,
"Do you think I could go and get a bite now?"
I really don't mind if he' s said no. I felt like I deserved some kind of a punishment. Not sure whether rationing my food is better than a spanking. Had he asked to choose I would have said a spank. Would I then have to say please? Please can I have a spank instead?
He stopped into a stance in a mid stride and turned. Rather like those little malleable green soldiers your 10 year old brother spent whole morning lining up on the sofa armrest and you came and gave yourself a pleasure of knocking them all off. Noice. And victory if he cries.
He smiled!!Yes he smiled..so he's forgotten.
"Hmmmmm...so you need lunch? Don't enjoy it though",still smiling, very rude but very sweet.
Very close, very close I thought.
Shall invest in a new alarm clock. One that shrieks and another that talks.
