Sunday, September 26, 2004

Miserable cow

My left foot went forward.
I then shifted the weight onto it.
It felt heavy and effortful
I manage to bring the right one forward now and shifted the weight onto that side.
Not so bad I thought.
I found that it suited me more to just not look up and keep walking but looking down at the things on the ground. I past the pavement closer to the flat and didn't feel like walking on them. I walked on the grass instead.I don't care about the grass.
Is it because we have them in abundance, and whatever you do they always thrive? Even in the most adverse condition they always seem to pull through and flourish. Are we taking grass for granted? I realize that we homosapiens tend to take things for granted when we have entered our comfort zone.

I noticed that my shoulders were aching. They drooped and my thoracic curvature formed a nice stoop. Every part of my body seems to mourn. I felt like a weight has been put onto me. In reality, if anything should have caused this, it would have been a lost, not a gain. Have you ever felt a huge sense of lost when you have been denied of hope? The pain now seemed to have seeps through in between my shoulder blades and nagged both of the upper part of my arms. I folded my arms and hasten my pace.

I was consumed by the familiar smell which greeted me as I opened the front door to the flat. I did my usual hello! High pitched and jolly. It was quiet. I felt my face muscles tightened. I wasn't sure how to handle this.

I denied the pregnant silence. An overwhelming vacant buzz hit both of my auditories. It was so still and ignoring. My presence seems untouched to the things I left behind. I walked into the living room and the familiar sights have been ripped away. Things are put away and back to where it started. No trace that anybody else has been here apart from me.

I felt an ache and longing. A hope that maybe a familiar voice will greet me from behind the kitchen door. There was none. The wind was blowing the curtain, and as it came back down it made a ghastly clapping sound. I felt a sudden hint of snigger from the wind. I was annoyed.Must you mock me? Must you assume that I was selfish in hoping?

When you let it be, when you give it in, when you ask for nothing back but to let u give love ..is it wrong? Must one get angry back at me for caring so much? It felt wrong, I was made to feel wrong.

I now wonder why.

You are not loved, you are a mere ephemerality. She said from within. Firm with conviction.

His shoes are gone.

Comments:
I look at my past and I know I loved you.

I have wronged you,
and set love asunder.
But I have loved you.

Mimie. You were loved and remembered.

Sanimie
1994-1999



-I was here 2006 December 6th wishing you greater and enduring love-
 
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